It is so quiet that it feels a little weird. I don’t know why I am up so early, both of my girls are still in deep sleep. I could hear their breathing from here. I sit in silence for a while. It is still dark outside. There are few houses on the street twinkling with their beautiful Christmas lighting. They look magical with the backdrop of deep dark sky and this beautiful silence. I keep looking at the lights, as they change colours from blue to white I wonder back to my childhood.
There was a beautiful house at the end of our street decorated with thousands of small colourful lights, beautiful banners and flowers as some one in that house was getting married. To a little girl that looked magical. I believed that everyone living in that house was experiencing magic; they were the happiest people on earth.
I hear a small cough; it stops my wondering down the memory lane. I know its my eldest girl, I pray so that she doesn’t get sick again. I know the girls are counting days to Christmas. I want them to fully experience the spirit and wonder of this wonderful time of the year. I fear its not too far away when they will start to judge things with more facts and logic and will try to find out “the truth”.
I can see them asking “ Mommy who is Santa ? Is there such a thing as magic?”
Do I really know the answers?
I look out into the darkness again. The silence gets filled with the flashback of memories. A young girl looking at those beautiful houses and praying hard to experience the magic of thousands little twinkle lights when she meets her soul mate. But years later when that moment came she felt too vulnerable to open her heart. She knew from the very first minute that she was waiting her entire life for this love but surrendering herself to it felt too scary.
What if she doesn’t get any answers if she asks, what if the answer shatters her tender heart?
She didn’t know that by not taking the risk of being hurt, she was risking everything, she risked experiencing the life. She was young and weak. She didn’t know how to face vulnerability.
Those enormous fears pulled her back into her shell and she closed her off from the world. She spent many nights crying while giving up her dream of experiencing the magic of thousands twinkle lights.
I startled back with the sound of the alarm clock. I walk back quickly to the bedroom where my husband is in deep sleep. I look at him and pause there for a few moments. I turn off the alarm while tears roll over my cheek.
I know the answer. Yes there is magic and its true.
There are things that we can’t see, logic and facts can’t explain. We can feel it only if we believe in it. When we experience the magic our lives are changed forever. Mine was changed in December 2001.
With love and gratitude
(This post is a part of a blog circle with some lovely creative souls and the theme for this month is “December reflection”. Ever since December 2001, this special month reminds me of the magic of love, joy and happiness).
The next post in the blog circle is from the wonderful Laly Mille