“The Love affair” that has transformed me

Posted by: Naz Laila

The theme for this month’s blog circle is “Love”. To my surprise I have found this topic the hardest to write about.

I kept thinking “what story should I tell about love that will reflect my personal journey but will still resonate with others , will add some meaning or provoke some thinking?”  The answer was pointing to one specific relationship, the one I wasn’t very comfortable to talk about or write about. So I ignored that answer, tried to come up with other ideas, procrastinated but it didn’t leave me. It became louder and louder till I surrendered to it’s power and purpose.


I have been very fortunate to experience love in many forms, which include growing up in a very close net loving family, experiencing the intense love of my two beautiful girls along with many other treasured relationships. I have always tried my best to respond back with gratitude, acceptance, kindness and unconditional love to all of them.  But it was a totally different picture when it came to show acceptance and kindness to my own shortcomings, my imperfections. I was the hardest critic; I was the most disappointed on myself for not being the best in everything I do, for making mistakes. I failed to show any love to my inner vulnerable self. My unconditional love was only reserved for other people. Then I came across the following quote

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”

Siddhartha Guatama Buddha


This quote had taken me aback, made me think about the way I was treating myself, the root cause of many of my pains and struggles.  I realized that I needed to show the unconditional love to myself to be able to tell the world that I am enough,  to battle the war against perfectionism, to stop the rat race. I needed the acceptance from within to flourish and embrace life with all its glory and joy.


This realization has transformed my life over last one year in ways more than I have ever anticipated. I have slowed down, I have opened up, I have stood up to face my fears more often,  I have embraced change and uncertainty with more courage,  I have let my imperfect self to be seen by the world because I am enough right here , right now, with the power of love and acceptance.

There are days when it gets harder , then I remind myself

“When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create.” – John Lennon

“I must learn to love the fool in me–the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of my human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my Fool.” ― Theodore I. Rubin


I hope we all can learn to love the fool in ourselves.

Please share your thought about accepting your imperfect self and showing the love.

Please hop over to the next post of the blog circle from Debi Minter.

With love and Gratitude,



  • Becky in Burma

    This post is beautiful. Thank you for writing it. This is a subject I struggle intensely with. I’ve never been able to come to grips with having a truly loving relationship with myself. It’s something I’m trying to work on this year. I would be so interested in the steps that you took to start learning to love yourself. I’ve purchased a few books + they are helping.

    Thank you especially for that quote from Buddha. I hadn’t ever read that before. Thank you.


    • Naz Laila

      Dear Becky, you are not alone in this struggle. I have been in that place for a long time and know the pain. I do plan to write all the things that have helped to to become A Gentle Rebel as a series in near future and surely I would write about my steps to love myself.

  • Gail Haile

    As a recovering perfectionist, I too related to your words. Well said. Be the nurturing and loving mother to the child within you.

  • kathie gadd

    What a wonderful post and an amazing quote from Buddha that you found! I think that really rang true in me too and I am going to put it where I can see it often… thank you and best wishes to you and your journey!

  • Laly Mille

    Oh that last quote! That was the perfect way to end my day. My foolish self has been very present today and brought some painful / shame-filled moments. I’ve been so angry at the fool in me today, but after a while we made peace, and now I’m going to bed with some soothing self-acceptance. Thank you!

  • Nancy Lennon

    Yes, i can relate! Self love sounds so easy, yet is often a challenge. I love the quotes you shared! I am going to print some of them off to keep as reminders. Blessings to you, Nancy Lennon

  • janice

    Lovely post, Naz. I am really enjoying the different posts in the blog circle. I think self love is something many of us struggle with so i am grateful for the reminder to accept and embrace all of me…imperfections and all. It’s quite a challenge sometimes!

  • Amy Riddle

    Naz, this is an important part of love that so many forget or ignore. Loving ourselves is beautiful. When I started really having a love affair with me, my creativity opened up. I started really living then. Thank you for sharing. Beautiful quotes!

  • Malini

    Self-acceptance is one of the most important hurdles we have to climb in life, so you are spot on! For me, it was discovering and nurturing the artist within that helped transform that part of me. There is something about the creative process that helps us unlock these difficult parts of ourselves. Thank you for having the courage to write about this!

    • Naz Laila

      Malini you are just spot on. I totally agree with you that embracing our creative life helps to unlock this difficult part of ourselves. Thanks so much for your sharing your experience and kind words.

  • Bethany

    I just found your blog. This is the journey I’m on too. To learn to love myself. Sometimes it’s the hardest thing in the world. Thank you for sharing your story on here. I feel inspired and better off this morning having read it. 🙂

    • Naz Laila

      Dear Bethany, I am very grateful that you have taken the time to read and comment on my blog. I totally agree with you that self acceptance is one of the hardest thing. I hope we continue this journey and share our experiences. Thanks for your kind words.

  • Jean Wagner

    Well written! The trick is really to learn to love the fool. Age helps… How many older people have you heard say… if I knew then what I know now…? It’s true. Be gentle on yourself.

  • Lyn Carpenter

    Hi Naz,

    I followed a link you posted on the Bloom True page to your site. I’m happy I did! I can relate with you on so many levels; especially the part about loving others unconditionally, but not yourself. I love that you call this new, loving relationship you are building with yourself as a “love affair”. I’m going to start nurturing my love affair with myself right now. It will be so fun and healing! Thank you for this beautiful post.

    • Naz Laila

      Thanks a lot Lyn for your kind words. I truly hope all of can master the art of self love and be less critical of ourselves. So glad that you joined us.

  • Julia

    How happy I was to stumble upon your website (via Flora Bowley) and this post here this evening. It is so wonderful to read of other people on similar journeys. Thank you for sharing your story. I can so relate to all that you say here and I was particularly moved by the quotes that you shared. Here, on the other side of the world, I find myself single for the first time in half a lifetime. I am delving deep, (re-)building a relationship with myself and connecting with others through my creativity and openly sharing as I now know that l must learn to open up and give myself the love I need and deserve before I am ready to enter into any relationship again… and now that feels right and good. Wishing you love and magic on your journey. Julia x

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